I adore my kids to pieces, but there comes a time when I am
simply…done. I am done with the whining,
the arguing, the bedtime routines, the
early morning school rush. It
takes about a week. Then? The kids go to their other parents’ houses!
I have a quiet house. I can leave
chocolate on the counter without being dive-bombed with pleas for “just one
taste”. I can sleep in- or if I
have to get up, there is no one to make breakfast for except…me. I can play loud, inappropriate music. (I can say "fuck" or any other goddamn word I want!) I can make food that includes such disgusting
things as mushrooms, onions, and *gasp* quinoa! without having to deal with the
gagging and looks that accuse me of adding these ingredients simply to be evil.
A week goes by….and just when I start to go through some
serious cuddle withdrawals, they come back!
With smiles and hugs and mom-I-missed-you-so-much-es. I have rejuvenated, retrieved my zen, and I
am ready to listen to violin practices, and the vroom-vrooms of toy cars
echoing down the hallway. I am happy to
give kisses to owies, I have the patience to remind- for the 5th
time- that homework is due tomorrow, and yes, you have to do it all, because
you have had three days to do it all and you’ve knowingly put it off until now, so do
it all already!
During my week with the kids, I can handle the constant
jumble of papers and markers on the coffee table. I can, with dancer-like agility, navigate the
vehicle-and-action-figure-strewn hallway.
I can do 3+ loads of laundry every goddamn day. I can drive 4 kids to 3 different schools in
2 different towns (by 8:30am!) I can
serve toast-eggs-vitamins-glassesofmilk-sandwiches-soup-mangohedghogs-burritos-avocodoslices-chipsandpeanutbutter-almonds-supplements-glassesofwater-banana-moretoast-roastedchicken-broccoli-saladwithnodressing-saladwithdressing-ricemadewithchickenbroth-butteredbread-yogurt-and
do it again, because yes, that was ONE DAY of feeding my kids! Homework is monitored
and checked. I can help remember to brush
multiple sets of teeth (and possibly, on a good day, my own), give baths/supervise showers to 1, 2, 3, or 4 kids, depending on the night, read the
bedtime book (and the second one for the kid who diiiiiiidn’t-waaaaant-thaaaat-oooonnnnee!!!), place kisses on faces, necks, palms of hands, and blow another
one – just for luck! – to 1, 2, 3, or 4 kids, (depending on the night and
desire on their part for kisses)
Because? During the week without them? I can clean my house to spotless and
sparkling- and it will stay that way even after I leave the room! I can kick the cars and toys into the
bedrooms to be dealt with…eh, later. I
have only one load of laundry per day (and that’s only because I am washing 5 beds worth of sheets!) If I am getting up in
the morning, it’s to go to work, or simply to move to the couch to drink my
coffee and peruse Facebook. I can eat when I’m hungry, and
cook what I want. I always remember to
not only brush my teeth, but I get a chance to shave my legs, too! If any books are read, they are strictly for
MY entertainment, and the kisses are of an entirely different sort. ;-) and what follows the kisses? Can even be with the door open!!
Just goes to prove the old saying: when life gives you lemons--make lemon drops!
-Lemon Drop, M.D.
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