Girl chases boy?

Jameson Whiskey (my husband) will tell you that I chased him for months before he even responded to me.  This is about ¼ true. 

I left Jackass (my ex-husband) at 25 (almost 26) and dated for about a minute before I realized that even talking to guys my age was pissing me off.  A 26 year old man that has never been married and has no kids - dating a woman who is in the middle of a messy divorce with 2 kids – is not ideal.  Besides, if one more guy told me how ready he was to have a family – I might have actually puked.  

“I am ready for a family” is code for “I want kids of my own” and truth be told – this oven is closed.  I knew when I had my son at 24 that I was ALL DONE (waves both hands in the air in my best baby-sign motion) and even tried to get fixed.  A 24 year old getting her tubes tied is apparently frowned upon and my doctors made it all but impossible for me to do it.  “Fine – IUD it is.  In 5 years when I come back and still don’t want kids will you do it then?” 

“We really don’t like to do it for women under 30 – but we will revisit it then.” ARGH!  Really right now?

In any case, it took me but 2 dates with guys my age to realize I was barking up the wrong tree.  Being in a REALLY bad marriage actually puts things in the best kind of perspective.  What am I actually willing to LIVE with?

I had just left a marriage in which my husband was a lump – he had no ambition.  Plenty of dreams – but not an ambitious bone in his body.  Find a guy with ambition...check!

Jackass had cheated on me many times (truth came out a few months later that he lost count at 18 women).  He has a sexual addiction, but not something I was willing to ignore.  Find a faithful guy...check!

Jackass had a gambling problem.  When I first moved to CA to find work, I left him (in WA) with enough money for groceries for 2 weeks, it was gone in about 3 days to online poker tournaments.  Who cares if the babies need milk or food?  Find a guy that likes his money or that at the very least appreciates the need to feed the children...check!

Jackass had a bit of a temper that resulted in more than a couple incidents where his hand/fist met with my face/stomach/appendages.  Find a guy that doesn’t need to use me as a punching bag...check!

Really stupid right?  Don’t cheat, don’t gamble away all our grocery money, don’t smack me around, and have a modicum of ambition (you don’t even need to be employed; just the ambition is enough for me).  But now I was adding a new one – don’t ask me to have your baby.  I am really pretty much willing to live with anything else you want to throw at me.

So I decided to try online dating.  I plugged in my requirements and made my age range 36-42.  I do realize that (even on the low end) there is a bit of a gap from 25 to 36, but I was looking for a man that was either divorced with kids or too damn old to want to start trying now.

I messaged a few guys, including JW, and then waited.  Old fogey #1 wanted to see a pic of me naked – denied and blocked, gross!  Old fogey #2 seemed nice, but 1 date with him and I was just not interested.  I waited, and waited, no more responses – guess I was too young.  Most probably thought I was trolling for a sugar daddy, who knows?  In any case I moved on, this online dating thing just wasn’t working out.  I focused on my kids and my job, figuring when the time was right...

A full month later JW (13.5 years my senior) responded.  “Let’s meet for coffee. Here’s my number...”

Really?  I messaged you a month ago with 'Looks like we have some things in common would love to chat more' and you not only take a month to respond but you want to meet immediately?  I may move fast, but not that fast: “I am a bit old fashioned.  How about you call me, and we can chat a bit before meeting?”

Literally 5 minutes later my phone rang.  Shit!  This online dating thing is weird.  I answered, we chatted, he didn’t seem like a serial killer (can one really tell if a guy is a serial killer over the phone?).  “I have time to meet today if you would still like to grab that coffee.” He says.

“I can meet in an hour for about 30 minutes but then I have to go grab my kids.”  I started our relationship on a lie.  I had about 4 hours ‘til I had to get the kids from daycare but I figured I could handle anyone for about 30 minutes and if he was weird I could just bail with the kids being the excuse.

So we met and we talked, and talked, and talked.  About 3 hours in he says “Weren’t you supposed to grab your kids?”  LOL.  I had to fess up.  He laughed, we moved on.  The greatest thing about going into a relationship with a clear goal is that you are able to voice it all up front.  I went for it.  Here are the things I don’t want in a guy (see my requirements above)...

He didn’t run.  He barely flinched after I laid out all my baggage.  Good sign.  Instead he laid his out just the same.  Nothing I couldn’t deal with.  It was a match made in...reality.

Sometimes when you meet someone you just know.  I knew this was a good thing.  We continued our courtship for many months afterward before we moved in with each other.  We were meant for each other and have been (mostly) happy since.

Don’t let him fool you though. JW chased me for quite sometime, I just made the first move.   

Sometimes meeting a guy in a place other than the local dive bar can work in your favor – Mimosa, M.D.